Now I can understand how and what's your life like in the past;
how it's like when you reach home at 11 plus;
how tiring it is when you finally put down your bag and still have to talk with me;
half doing your work, half doing your stuffs.
The more I experience what you called 'a busy life',
the more I understand how amazingly patient you were with me,
when you'd bothered to talk to me even when you're damn tired and need to focus on work,
but you would patiently talk with me till the point when you want to sleep.
The more I understand what fatigue you were feeling then,
the more I felt how
wonderfully imperfect that you are.
And the more I thought about it,
I know that, then, I was just a damn kid that keeps saying that I love you but never knowing what love was.
Just that it's already a wee bit too late..Maybe no one else remembers,
and you already should have forgotten,
but on last year's today, this is the first time you officially 'ditched' me.Not that you are now 'with' me now anyway.Never mind la.
P.S. He still has a plan, I know of it.
Dear Father in Heaven,
I want to thank You for today.
This week had been the hardest ever since I first came back to You.
But knowing that You are there for me,
I am afraid of nothing.
I was in service today,
I was practically shouting in the songs I am singing.
I figured that You were the only way and I want to point all my thoughts upon You.
I just kept singing and sang like nobody's singing,
and I felt so much better now.
At least my prayers for her was answered.
I hope that they will walk strong together in Christ and bump each other up in times of need too.
And yeaaa.. Today I was just praying for her over and over again.
Alright God please don't be jealous.
I am gonna kick her away out of my mind soon.
She will never be the top priority.
Soon You are gonna be the only one that matter.
'You lifted me out
You lifted me out
And set me dancing, dancing
Free, now I am free
Your love rescued me
Now it's the anthem I'm singing'
AHAHAHA.
It was such an electrifying experience!
I dont need to keep thinking about her when I can turn to God!
Looking things this way makes things that much easier!
And a funny thing was,
that was this neighbour beside me,
which was a stranger to me at first,
which we became friends in Christ a while later,
when after the main sermons end,
we were gonna end with praise first,
this guy, James, asked,
'You really DO love praise.'
'Yeah, I sure did!' I replied.
Then we sang,
"Who's dancing who's singing
Who's living a life worth living
We are, we are
We're shining the light of salvation
Who's running who's loving
Who's breaking the doors wide open
We are, we are
We're shining the light of salvation"
It was such an uber powerful song that I can't help but keep praising the Lord(at the top of my lungs).
End of the song, he(James) suddenly turned to me, " I feel that you are very encouraging."
Then I asked, "Huh?! But why?"
"The way you sang the songs, it just makes people motivated."
And I was thanking profusely, both to him and the Lord.
Praise the Lord for lifting me out.
我能给你的 从来都不是你想要的
而你所要的 我却努力的找了又找
却突然发现 爱情其实不是一场游戏
也不是一个能够互相迁就的感情
而是一个能够互相体谅的感觉
当年
身为至高无上的神的祢
祢为了我们
却死在十字架上
我知道
失去和她在一起唯一的机会
说自己没事
才真的是骗人的
可是
路虽然是很难走
但是比起祢当年走的十字路
这真的不算什么
神爱世人
甚至将他的独身子赐给他们
叫一切信他的
不至灭亡
反得永生
我父阿，倘若可行 ， 求你叫这杯离开我 。 然而 ， 不要照我的意思 ， 只要照你的意思 。
我父阿， 这杯若不能离开我 ， 必要我喝 ， 就愿你的意旨成全 。
我父阿，如果这真的是你的意思的话， 那我会把这杯干了，应为你是神，一切都随你。
There's always something that I always admire..
Beings of blinding light and shining wings,
holding a slim, long sword in the right hand,
a shiny kite shield in the left,
hovering aloft in the sky,
with the sun behind, shining.
They were called guardian angels.
And I wanna be one.
I knew you were poison and I fed myself to it,
and I kept drinking and drinking it,
knowing that it will kill me instead of doing anything good to me.
The withdrawal effects are kicking in,
and my hunger for you has almost become uncontrollable, insatiable.
And all I can do is like a jealous angel,
watching in a distance,
knowing that he can't do anything to help,
knowing that he's no longer needed.
It took me 3 long months for me to get the answer to that answer that you couldn't explain at that time..
Ever since the Lord found me, the most important reason for me to remain in this faith was the answer to your answer, something that I couldn't understand then.All this while you could say that i was relearning love, because of you.The other day when I read 1 Corinthians 13 again, I begun to absorb and accept the reason behind it.For my interpretation of your answer is this:
True love was never a product of human beings,
it is a by product of God's heavenly love for us,
just as all for love, the heavens cried,
and only love could make a way;
it is patient and kind;
it is never 'me' but it's you;
it doesn't calculate errors but accepts;
it never fails regardless of circumstances.
Love isn't some gooey emotion that I used to know 3 months ago;it isn't just all about lust and sex but it's about faith and hope;it isn't just about getting together but it's about the other's happiness;it isn't just about physical contact and embraces but it's about mental attachment;it isn't all about looks but it's about the inner beauty;it isn't all about plain loving but rebukes the person for the better;it isn't about lies but about the truth;it isn't about me but it's about you;it isn't about getting anything in return, for true love is incapable of failing.The Lord will be my witness, that I had did this in this relationship we shared.Not in the past, but now in the present, and later in the future.For you might not see but the Lord sees, and that's enough.Love wasn't an emotion that we mere mortals could manufacture on our own.
If the Cross of Calvary wasn't in the equation, then it really isn't love.
For I am convinced that human beings are incapable of loving,and the love in the world is the worldly love,but the love I found in Christ and was blessed to me is the heavenly love.For if even I have faith that can move the himalayas and sever the peak of mount everest,but have not love, i am only a noisy, resounding gong.For the greatest of the three; hope love and faith,
that is love.
Now that I know the rift between us is bridged,
I really hope that the current me will attract your sight for just one more second than before
Oh God, what the hell is wrong with me..?
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 3:6-8;
I planted the seed in your hearts, Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow.
The one who plants and the one who waters work together for the same purpose.
